Mother of sick child

My girl is sick today so we are home. It is so nice that I can work from here and not really get behind. My calls can be forwarded to my cell phone and I can log onto email from home. It makes me wonder why I have to go in as much as I do. The answer is, I don't but I think employers think that being there all the time is important. I think I get more done by not being there. I use my time so much better when I don't have the distraction of co-workers.

I also like being here for my child when she needs me. That is why my goal is to keep moving forward with trying to start with being a real estate agent. I imagine putting Emily on the bus in the morning, working on my lap top to do marketing, look at trends, write newsletters and search for the perfect home for my clients. I imagine showing homes in the evening when Scott is home to be with Emily. I am going to keep working toward my goal. I am working on networking now and will keep moving toward my goal. I am also working on getting my finances where I can do what I want to do too.

In the meantime, I am just home with Miss E. She isn't that sick luckily. She will be back on her fee tomorrow, I am sure.

On the go

I escaped the office for mental health reasons and I think it is for the best. I am still beat but I do feel better. This is the first time I am blogging from my phone. I am grabbing a bite at Starbucks which I think is a good choice for healthy on the go food. I am eating a Bistro Box, the Goat Cheese and Garden veggies variety. I am also enjoying a sparkling water.
Here are the stats on the Bistro Box:
220 calories
10g fat
3g fiber
6 Points

Not too bad for a little lunch!

Bad night = bad morning = grumpy!

Last night was really great and then the night time came. I couldn't sleep to save my life. I was up until 2:30am! This made me very, very crabby. So now, I am crabby today. Boo. I did have a good dinner last night. Fajitas! Yum. They had chicken, peppers (green and red) and onions.

Chicken Fajitas (2) = 10 points
8oz glass of water = 0 points
Dinner Total = 10 points

I ended the day pretty well. BUT, then I was up way to late. I thought maybe a little food would put me to sleep. So I dug into Mr. B's ice cream. I didn't even like the way it tasted, it was such a waste!

Peppermint Candy Ice Cream = 4 points
Middle of the night total = 4 points

All and all, not the worst food day but not good either.

I am going to get out of the office now because I don't want to rub my crabbiness off on others. Hopefully, I can perk up.

Too full for lunch

It is 1:00 pm and I still feel full from breakfast, because I ate it so late. Darn. I am going to try to force some intake because eating late will just force me to not want to eat dinner.

I just can't seem to eat breakfast early. I will work on it some more. Here's what is happening for lunch.

16 oz of water = 0 points
Baby Carrots = 0 points
Lean Cuisine Sesame Chicken = 9 points
Total for lunch = 9 points

(Source)

I have some lemon yogurt for a snack later but I don't know that I will be able to stomach more food. It is weird that I am supposed to be on a diet yet I have to force myself to eat more. I had gotten in this bizarre habit of eating one HUGE meal per day. Seems like it might make you lose weight. It doesn't. At all.  Not to mention it wreaking havoc on your body, bad for your blood sugar, all around bad plan. I am trying not to do that anymore.

Fall is here

It feels like Fall for sure today. Here is what I had for breakfast:

10 oz glass of water = 0 points
1/2 banana = 0 points
Smart Ones Breakfast quesadilla = 5 points
Coffee with creamer = 1 points
Breakfast total = 6 points

I think I could make a better quesadilla. The cheese tasted really fake and like what you would get on nachos at the movies or something. The points value was good though.

(Source)

Satisfaction

I think what most of us strive for in life is satisfaction. I think that happiness is derived from that. I try hard to be satisfied. In my life that means trying to find a balance. I always feel super out of control of my life. I am working towards calm though. One thing that gives me satisfaction is having a clean, well-run home. Also, having a happy husband and child. I also stive to have a peaceful calm in my heart. That is what brings me satisfaction. I don't always achieve all that I want. I am getting better every day though and that is what counts if you ask me.

Sun day

Yesterday was glorious here! When the weather is nice in WA it makes you really appreciate it. Yesterday was spent enjoying some things that make Spring wonderful like this :

And the dinner of this:

Today is equally gorgeous and I am about to try to get out there and enjoy some more sun and get my vitamin D!

It's electric!

Little Miss E (my daughter) and I started our day with smoothies this morning. They included Trader Joe's Very Cherry Berry Blend frozen fruit, almond milk and peanut butter. They were quite delicious and great way to start off our Saturday.

On Saturday mornings we have ballet class for Miss E at the community center so, since for once it isn't raining in Washington today, we decided to walk there. It is a nice little walk and Miss E posed for me at the edge of the stream that we pass on the way there.

After we were done at ballet, we went to an Alternative Energy Fair which featured racers who had built electric cars to race in. Miss E thought this was fantastic. They were pretty neat.

The bad thing about going to the fair that the only thing there was to eat there was a cheeseburgers and curly fries from the St. Martin's Alumni food truck. Miss E and I shared the fries with Mr. B (my husband) and she and I split the cheeseburger. It was greasy and delicious!

Next on our whirlwind day, a trip to Trader Joe's. Miss E enjoys pushing her bear around in the kid sized red carts. Mr. B hates any store on a Saturday--his patience runs thin for the crowds of people.

Tonight, I am having drinks and dinner with a friend who has been going through a rough patch. She makes amazing food so I am excited. Plus she is just good company!

I am glad we did so much this morning though, it has now started to rain.....



Breakfast time

I never used to eat breakfast but since I have been, I think I need to eat it earlier. I don't get hungry until about 10. By the time lunch rolls around, I am not hungry. This morning I had a bowl of Trader Joe's Oatmeal Complete with an entire Pink Lady apple from the Farmer's Market cut up in it.

I also had my typical two cups of coffee with cream in that awesome cup that I painted! It is now 11:49 and I should be hungry. I am not. Boo. I will probably be hungry at 2:00 pm again which makes me not very hungry at dinner. I might try to start eating my breakfast before work. What a novel concept!

What time do you eat breakfast?

What I ate Wednesday

Breakfast this morning was another big bowl of my new favorite combo:

I have been crushing the Pumpkin Spice Flax Kashi bar into my Chobani Greek Yogurt. It was really good. My flavor today was pomegranate. I really liked that it had little pomegranate seeds in it. I also had two cups of coffee with cream. I have not made an attempt to not drink two. It just tastes so good. Darn. My tea tastes good as well but it isn't the same.

For lunch I had a LARGE glass of water. I am so bad at hydrating but I know that helps with my fatigue. I am pretty tired a lot but I have yet to really zero in what causes my fatigue. I have been checked for thyroid issues, anemia and a few other things that I thought my have been causing my fatigue. All negative. It could be a combination of things. In addition to the my big glass of water, I had a fuji apple that we had picked up at the Farmers Market over the last weekend.

I also had a frozen meal from Open Nature which is an all natural brand that they sell at Safeway. I had the Veggie Lasagna.

I have been reading a lot of Kath Eats Real Food lately and I am trying to eat what Kath would consider "real food" but I am admittedly lazy and I am still at a point where some short cuts are necessary for me. That being said, I am trying to eat a frozen meal that is more natural like these selections from Open Nature and Amy's and Kashi. I will work beyond the frozen meals I think, the more I try to get to in touch with my health. I owe it to myself and my daughter to make this a priority but BOY, so many things to work on all the time.

Happy Wednesday all! I will be back to finish up WIAW tonight! I have no idea what is for dinner tonight so it will be a surprise for us all.

UPDATE: The hubby made pork chops with panko breading, rice and broccoli for dinner and that is what I ate Wednesday!

April showers bring May flowers

The weather in the Pacific Northwest today is this:

Which is not unusual but it made me want something warm for lunch. So, I decided that something that would be warm and satisfying today would be soup and tea.

I also had a delicious greek yogurt, blood orange flavor for desert. It was delicious! It really did feel like dessert.

I feel good this afternoon, I always feel good when I eat something that is healthy and not processed. 

I think due to all the rain I will be walking on the treadmill tonight. I know it is why it is so beautiful and green here but sometimes I would just kill for a little sun! We had a little over the weekend and for that I am grateful!

Morning: more chaos than calm

I hate admitting it but coffee is what makes my world go 'round. I get to the office and have two cups straight away. This is neither healthy nor calm inducing. I have thought about drinking tea or decaf but I have it in my head that I need the caffeine. When I was a sleep deprived mother of a 1-year-old that was possibly true but now I am not sleep deprived. Perhaps a switch to decaf and then to tea is in order.

I hate workday mornings. I never get up on time. It is difficult for me because I am thinking about all of things I have to do for the week and I feel like it is easier to hide in my bed. Every minute counts. The longer I can stay in there, the less time I have to deal with my to do list. It is completely counter-intuitive thinking though because I get out of bed late and it causes major anxiety as I try to do all the things I need to do to get a 5-year-old and myself ready in the morning. I have dreams of waking up at 5:30am and working out and then leisurely getting ready. This is a goal of mine. I hear that waking up early is just a habit like anything else. It is a habit I need to adopt.

What is your morning routine? Does it include coffee?


Have a happy Monday morning!

The beginning

This is not the first time I have tried to have a blog. I am hoping however, that it will be the last. Either because I give up on the idea for good or because I make this one work. Life is different this time around, so I hope that blogging will be different too. Here is what I like when I am reading a blog:

1.) Picture heavy, word light
2.) Singular focus
3.) Multiple time a day posting
4.) Good writing
5.) Humor

I will try to make my blog something that I would want to read. But, I do need to make it something I would want to write too. I tend to be wordy, chaotic and lazy so the first three items will be a challenge for me. The last two shouldn't be too bad. I (almost) have a journalism minor so I think I am a decent writer and I have a natural sarcasm that some read as humor so I should be okay on the humor front as well.

My main goal is to make people want to read this because I think what I am going through is something a lot of other people are going through but it is hard to find something to read on the subject from a personal stand point. I struggle with an anxiety disorder and I am working through it one day at a time. I had been trying to deal with things on my own for 15 years and then I turned 30. I couldn't take it any longer and I felt about 100 years old. I was exhausted. I needed to take control of my life because I knew that if I had to live another 50 years or more like that, I was never going to make it. Something about turning 30 make me think that it was finally time to admit that I needed someone or something to help me feel better. I had NO IDEA what I should do. Counseling? Meds? Both? I didn't know but I knew that I had a long way to go. I was ready to do the work though. I called my insurance to see what was covered and was soon on medication prescribed by a psychiatric nurse practitioner and started going to a counselor. I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I do not have OCD in the way so many people think of it. I don't wash my hands until they are raw or have other traditional checking rituals. I do have obsessive racing thoughts and I have panic attacks on the regular. About 1 year ago, I started with a new counselor. She is my savior. My first counselor and I didn't click and after a few months we had to "break-up". My new counselor and I are a good match and she has helped me immensely. But, none of this is really what I wanted to talk about.

What I did want this blog to be about is where I am today. Which is, I in the beginning of learning to live my life now that I am feeling better. I have worked my way out of utter chaos and while I may still have bad days, I am mucher calmer than I was a few years ago. In two weeks, I will 32. It has taken me two years but I am finally feeling like this is what it feels like to be me--the me I was hoping to be when I grew up. Like so many other things, keeping the anxiety at bay takes work. I have come up with a variety of ways to help myself feel good. Exersize, diet, yoga and writing are just a few ways that I have learned to control what used to control me. Now, I am tapering off my medications, only going to counselor once a month and I feel pretty good. Most days are calm and good. Some days are better than others. Now it's all about maintaining what I have worked on for the past two years.

This blog will be my journal of how I keep maintaining what I have worked so hard for. Of how I work on a daily basis to move from chaos to calm

Loves....M